I Shop. Therefore, I have children.

Anyone who knows me, knows of me, has met me once or even heard my name, knows that I LOVE to shop. I will shop for anything. I have not met a store that I did not love, well except for Kaufman's (they did me wrong, REALLY WRONG and they have paid the ultimate price in the end--you are welcome Macy's). When I cross the threshold of any store, it is as if I am transformed into a shopping goddess: Leighann, Queen of the Mall! People know me in stores, they help me shop; when a store gets a new manager they always seem to know who I am. It's as if they have a picture of me in the stockroom (like schools have a picture of the current President of the USA displayed in the classroom; not that I am comparing myself to the President, but if the designer shoe fits...). For instance, this past May I was in Vegas with my friends, shopping at Cesar's Palace when we ventured into the Michael Koors store and when the salesman was ringing me up, he checked my ID and remembered me from 18 months prior when he sold me a pair of shoes at a different shop in the same mall. Even gay black men with fabulous taste in shoes and handbags know me.

And anyone who knows Steve, knows of him , or has heard of him, knows that he has quite the sense of humor. He jokes about everything and anything. He can make light of the darkest situation. Like when he was hit by a car 2 years ago, he made jokes when our friend found him by the side of the road, when the paramedics and the State Police arrived on the scene. He joked when his friend called to tell me what happened and even when he was being wheeled into surgery (I have the picture to prove it). He is a funny guy. Period. It was no surprise to family and friends that when Janet was born, Steve incorporated my love for shopping into how we would explain, in the future, to our children where babies come from. When Janet was born, he told people that we got her at K-Mart; Riley at Wal-Mart and when Lucas arrived, Target. (we are still not sure where Aaron came from, aside from being the result of one too many martinis)

When Lucas was born, Riley was a little over 2 years-old and not at all pleased with the latest addition to our family. She would not acknowledge him in any way, shape or form. In pictures of the three kids, she was always doing her best pose, cutest smile, but NEVER looking in the general direction of "that baby"; Janet, on the other hand, was the proud doting older sister, smiling, happily holding and kissing her baby brother (ah, the good old days!) We do not have a picture of Riley with Lucas until he was over 4 months old...that girl can hold a grudge! when strangers would ask her what she thought of her little brother, she would look at them and in all seriousness say, "I don't have a brother". Stubborn. Cute, but stubborn. Finally, she did come around and managed to put up with him (once she realized that we were not going to "take him back from where ever [we] got him from").

Jump ahead to a year later when Lucas was one: We were out one day (probably shopping), Steve, Janet, Riley, Lucas and I when an older couple approached us; "What a beautiful family." "You must be so happy. Two girls and a little boy. How perfect." (you know the drill) The wife looks at Riley and says, "You must be a good big sister. How do you like your little brother?" And precious little Riley looks right at the lady and says, "He's okay. Mommy and Daddy got him from Target." OH CRAP!!!!!!!!!!

If you could have seen the look on this woman's face! I swear she was reaching for her phone to call the FEDS; like Steve and I were involved in some underground black market baby selling ring out of the back of the Target store. I was speechless, but my quick witted husband swooped right in and saved the day; explaining the shopping euphemism and child bearing. To this day, I don't really know if she bought the story and every once in a while, I get nervous when someone tells me I have a beautiful family...we can laugh about it now.