Boobs, Gumballs and Levis

This is what I know about boys: they are messy, loud, mischievous, demanding, always touching themselves and, at times, completely obnoxious. I also have learned this about boys: they are sweet, kind-hearted, comical and, of course, messy.

When Steve and I found out that we were expecting our first boy, we were overjoyed; then reality set in with me and I began to realize that I did not know a whole lot about raising a boy-child. I knew a little. After all, I did have a hand in helping Sister E raise her two boys, TD and NM (you are welcome, by the way). How hard could this be? I will do what I did with my nephews: Take them shopping and buy them whatever they ask for...every little boy, no matter the age should have the top of the line sneakers, clothes, toys, etc. (I can do this!) I know what NOT to do as well, do not lay on the ground and "airplane" lift them above your head after they have eaten (check), do not let them eat a dozen doughnuts off of the floor, no matter how cute it is (check), do not take your eyes off of them while they are playing in a room that has open windows when you are in a house that is a two-story and made of bricks so that they can climb out of the windows and scale the house (check). I CAN DO THIS! After all, when I get tired of him, I can just give him back, right? WRONG! CRAP! I am totally SCREWED! But then we were blessed with Lucas and from the moment I laid my eyes on him, I knew...I was TOTALLY screwed! The following stories are short, that is why I have chosen to write them in the same entry.

*Important info to know: when Lucas was an infant (0-9 months) the girls and I often dressed him as a girl.

BOOBS

When Lucas was about 3, he was taking a bath (don't worry, not all of my stories involve bath time, I'm not some kind of germaphobe, OCD neat-freak that scrubs my kids everyday, I have been known to go days without bathing my kids), all of a sudden he started sobbing. Uncontrollably sobbing. I asked him what was wrong and he looked at me, with his big beautiful blue eyes and with the most serious voice he said to me: "I have small boobths." It was all I could do not to laugh, I mean here he is, in the tub, hands over his "boobs", crying. I decide to try and figure out why it is that he was so upset about his lack of boobs. Thinking to myself, did I nurse him too long? Not long enough? My poor baby, he was inconsolable. Here is the little conversation that ensued:

Me: "Honey, it's okay. Boys aren't supposed to have boobs."
Luke: " I want boobths. I have little boobths. Mama has boobths." (notice he did not say that Mama has BIG boobs)
"Honey, not everyone has boobs. Boys just don't have them."
"Why can't I have boobths?"
"Because boys don't have them. That's why."
"Why?"

Crap. Eventually, I got him calmed down and out of the tub. To this day, I am stumped over this one. I am just chalking it up to the fact that until he was about 4, he would try and look down any woman's shirt, lift up any woman's shirt, grab at women's "shirts" that he was just a "boob" man.

After about a month or so of his self-boob obsession, he never spoke of it again; he was on to bigger and better things...

GUMBALLS

Around the time the boob obsession died down a new obsession took its place. This new obsession would be: The self-exploration of Luke. (This is my favorite occurrence of this phase in his life)

Lucas was in the tub (Oh come on! Quit judging me!) and I noticed he was being VERY quiet so I peeked behind the shower curtain to see what he was up to: he was just playing. He had his head down and was playing. With something, but what?

"Hey dude, whatcha doing?"
"Nuffing"
It's something.
"Really. What are you doing?"
"Look Mom. I have gumballs and I can make them go away."

Crap. I am TOTALLY screwed.

Yes. That's right, he discovered that he can squeeze his "gumballs" and make them disappear. We still laugh about that one. Poor kid. Now it's in writing...

This final story is cute...that's all it's just cute.

LEVI'S

When Steve decided to have a roof built on the wrap-around porch that we have on the house, he hired an Amish man to do the work. This man had done work for us before, great work, so it was a no brainer to ask him to build the roof for us (he built the porch). The kids were all familiar with him and knew his name and would say "hi" to him every time they saw him. His name was Levi. The summer that Luke turned two was when the roof was being built and Levi was there everyday working. One day, after I picked the kids up from the babysitters, we arrived home to find Levi taking a break on the porch; he was not alone and Lucas noticed this.

"Wook Mama! Der are two moe Webis!" (2 more Levis)

Levi had his 2 brothers helping him on this particular day. And because Amish men all dress in black pants and either, green or blue shirts, straw hats and have a beard (when they are married) this can be the only explanation as to why Lucas thought that because Levi was "Levi" that they other men that were dressed exactly the same, must be "Levi" too. Levi and his brothers all thought this was very funny. Even after Levi's brothers told the kids their names, they continued to refer to them as the "2 Levis".

These are my stories and I am sticking to them!